I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
