There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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