Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
