fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night