Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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