dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could make wine with my vomit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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