just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.