you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
