PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
