oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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