Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
