He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Acid is not a monday night drug
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
