East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
