Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
