i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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