Buhtt sex?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
