i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Mom said you looked used
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize