Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Randomize
