I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
