That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
