She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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