This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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