just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
