found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
