I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am naked and annoyed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"