Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.