HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila