he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.