Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.

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  (661): Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat. http://tfl.nu/08yi
  Replies (5) Good night (1014) Bad night (2458)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.

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  (315): My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw. http://tfl.nu/z7bn
  Replies (10) Good night (3596) Bad night (1192)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.

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  (319): I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer. http://tfl.nu/5cv0
  Replies (2) Good night (2294) Bad night (914)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

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  (509): I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad? http://tfl.nu/r4ig
  Replies (14) Good night (1435) Bad night (2136)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"

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  (580): Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying" http://tfl.nu/0sq3
  Replies (4) Good night (3994) Bad night (812)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.

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  (770): She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college. http://tfl.nu/xmfo
  Replies (4) Good night (1862) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.

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  (850): You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets. http://tfl.nu/bxsc
  Replies (6) Good night (1166) Bad night (565)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.

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  (636): I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way. http://tfl.nu/f0qk
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (634)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.

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  (989): It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/f9iv
  Replies (12) Good night (1121) Bad night (721)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place

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  (307): He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place http://tfl.nu/50j6
  Replies (4) Good night (936) Bad night (365)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.

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  (863): If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis. http://tfl.nu/mwio
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done

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  (301): Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done http://tfl.nu/5hl8
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night

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  (678): I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night http://tfl.nu/4dps
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.

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  (904): My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through. http://tfl.nu/7flj
  Replies (4) Good night (554) Bad night (309)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea

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  (705): Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea http://tfl.nu/yqhl
  Replies (2) Good night (127) Bad night (348)

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