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Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym