My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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