We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
