Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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(248): View more from Michigan

so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

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(847): View more from Illinois

There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"

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