I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.