I cannot find my penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
