I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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