i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
