You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
