never play flip cup with pint glasses
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
