I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
