i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
