my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
