i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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