scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
