I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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