Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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