Pants 0. Shit 1.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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