I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
