can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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