I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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