Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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