your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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