Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
