he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
