Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
