I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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