it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
