Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just had sex on a roof
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
