She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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