I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had sex on a roof
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
