You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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