you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
