I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
