i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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