so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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