Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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