You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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