we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
