so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
