So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
