it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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