so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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