If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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