I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
