Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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