I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
