Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
should my penis look like a turkey
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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