he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
