I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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