I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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