i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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