My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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