On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
