That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
