I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had to cum in my sink.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
