Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
